Sunday, December 21, 2008

Futurama song has devious hidden message

In the 2nd Season of Futurama there is an episode, "The Problem with Popplers". Fry and Bender find a planet full of tasty things (the "popplers") and sell them to Fishy Joe's (a fast food place). They then record the theme song for the popplers, which is this:

Pop a Poppler in your mouth
When you come to Fishy Joe's.
What they're made of is a mystery
Where they come from no one knows,
You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em, you can chew 'em, you can stick 'em.
If you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.


Some researchers (you know, nerds) have found that played backwards, this song gives a devious message, that reaches our subconscient while watching the episode:

Explore Neepa-Noopa's snippers
Sue us if that snarb ekay mikkets
If we moosh, miffy licka, lick me murka
If we saw another Noofa in a wheelchair,
Mr. Rayanetto sauce!
He shaved the monkey love farm in your roof.
Hop-a-Hop!


If you don't believe us, listen for yourself:

Sunday, November 23, 2008

So I herd u liek mudkips?? - a collection

So I her u liek mudkips??...

Hell no.

We LUV mudkips.

Here's the regular one (National Geographic edition):


...groovy...


...swearing...


...chocolate rain!!!!!!1111!!!!!!one!...


...magic...


...Super Mario...


...feel the Force...


...Robot...


...muddevils...


...pirate mudkips...


Oh dang.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Bring on the Trumpets!

Oh, and read the last one too.



(copyright the video's owner - Kraken812)

R.I.P. Miley Cyrus




Goodbye Destiny*,

You will forever be alive in our hearts.
Because your songs are always on the bloody radio.

Your soul and your countless crisis and photos and other stuff for publicity like that will always be with us.
Unleast until Disney gets a new 15-year-old chick.

Offline we come, offline we end.

Good bye.

(seriously though, Miley Cyrus isn't dead. It's just there's all these videos saying good bye to Miley Cyrus because her Youtube account's been hacked and some idiot said she died. I just wanted to give my contribution before this ends up as an article section on Wikipedia).

On actual news, happy non-smoker day!
If your lungs are clean from harm, have a great day - jump, dance, sing a little bit!
If your lungs spit nicotine everytime you touch them... good for you.

Here you go, dear chain smokers (you didn't think I wouldn't post this, would you?)










* lol, Destiny (her name is actually Destiny Miley Cyrus - eh eh.)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Ahem - Atheists rule

Seriously though, no jokes this time... this is for all of you who have discriminated someone because he/she doesn't believe in god(s).

Friday, October 31, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

Registration for encantado species

To keep this here just so I don't have to carry it all the place.

--

Brownies / boggarts
Cat faeries
Centaurs
Cockatrices
Dragons (colubers, wyrms [peludas, lungs], wyverns, lindworms, plumed serpents)
Dwarves (barbegazi)
Elves
Fauns
Ghouls
Giants (Frost Giants, Fire Giants)
Goblins (redcaps)
Griffins
Hobgoblins (arkan sonney, saci?)
Incubi / succubi
Kappas
Knockers
Harpies
Kelpies
Kraken
Leprechauns
Leshies (woodwose, curupira)
Manticores
Merfolk
Nagas
Nixies
Ogres (cyclops)
Phoenix
Phooka
Pixies
Saci
Salamanders
Sea serpents
Sphynxes
Sylphes
Tree sprites (melissai)
Trolls (water trolls and mole trolls)
Unicorns
Will-o’-the-Wisps

Additional: Tsuchinoko (native only to Japan), faery animals (cat fey, tanukis, kitsunes) and humans (witches), individual Faery Lords

Friday, October 3, 2008

Mythology Art

http://www.microsoft.com/games/ageofmythology/egypt_concept.aspx

Very nice! The link goes to some concept pictures of Age of Mythology, they're really cool, specially the chimera!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Where does Man hang his meat?

Umm... the butcher.

Monday, September 8, 2008

I Can Has Gawds? - Ragnarok

This'll be a series of attempts to relation Caturday-worshipping (http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page) to Asatru (http://www.religioustolerance.org/asatru.htm). Today's article: Ragnarok => Catnarok

Catnarok

Wer awl scrood. Srsly.

Catnarok wuz da doomz of da Jarmenic gawds. Afta horribul winter lastin 3 yeers, a finul bettuls gonna b foght bah da gawds aggenst da frost dawgs on da plain of Virgidd. On da side of Longcat n da odur gawds are da “gloriuz peeps who got ded”, whho fallened in pwning n wuz taken to leev 4ever as purty angelz in da Ceiling. N wit da gawd of fire and darkness (n da gawd of erif dna ssenkrad), wix iz Tacgnol n da frost dawgs wuz faiting da “unworty peeps who got ded” (unworty meens dey not gud) from da Basement, plus a big hooj wolf dat is liek a big dawg, cal’d Ferretnir (cuz he lieks eating ferrets) dat wen he sayz “i can haz feer?”, all da kittehs go omfg, and plus a vary big fishy kitteh fud cal’d Jormahgod (cuz wen he opens hiz mouths kittehs go “Jor! Mah God!, lol) dat kittehs cant eat cuz he’s big liek a truck only a vetzillions tiem bigger, n iz so big dat wikipedia haz to rite 2 artucles about im.
Der wuz nuthin dat Longcat cud do tah stop dis liek big catastrophe (lol gets it? CATastrophe? I crackz me up), cuz wen Ceiling Cat maded the urfz and Basement Cat wuz liek “i can pwn u anytimez”, n Ceiling Cat wuz liek “no u cant”, n Basement Cat wuz liek “nao u piss me off”, n Ceiling Cat writed in da starz dat somday wen he wuz liek attractive he wud hav sun that is white kitteh, but lieks black dudes too, n Basement Cat wud have sun dat is dark kitteh, n dey wud fire their lazrs in a batul until da urfs is ded. And Ceiling Cat’s sun iz Longcat, and Basement Cat’s sun iz Tacgnol, wich is nawt neerly as long as Longcat.
But Longcat had consolation (hug timez), and wuz dat he knoo Catnarok wuz not d end of da univerz. Aftah he had bin pwnd bah Ferretnir (cuz Longcat is long liek a ferret, so Ferretnir gets confoosed), and Olngact had bin pwnd bah Jormahgod, n all da odur kitteh gawds dat are long had bin pwnd in da shoopdawoop dat its gonna make wen de frost dawgs get dem, a new urfs is gonna rise agen outta da water (wich is da frost dawgs melted bah da hotness of da shoopdawoop dey’s gonna make), and da urfs are fair n green, wich meens deres a lotta grass for the moocows get fat n tasty. In dat tiem, the lolrus had found his bukkit, and so evrystuf is gud.
But b4 da battle 2 hoomins, wich are cal’d Leef and Lithraseer, wuz hided in da sacred treez-aksiz-moondy, Eggdrasil, and dey emerges aftah da Catnarok is over to hav lotsa sex (and some buttsecks 2) to fill da urfs with stoopid hoomins again, so we cans start over. And of course all da kittehs survived cuz Longcat maded dem able to live inside da urfs liek moles and play pokemans in dere until da Catnarok iz over, but da kittehs dat follawed Tacgnol cudnt do dat, so dey got ded. Also, sum of the kitteh gawds survived, like Longcat’s suns Splongcat n Lexycat n hiz brudder Shortcat, Olngact’s sunz Mudcat and Longkip, who inherited deir fader’s So I Herd U Liek Mjollkip?, and Baldrick who comed bekk from da shit.
Da Catnarok, sez da stars, wil take place aftah Caturday.

Discovery of the Year

Telegram to George W. Bush:

Have discovered only person in the world stupider than you stop Now we have two of each colour stop p.s., please please stop

And here's his opinion about same-sex marriage:



If the gay community had half of the retardation of this guy, I'd understand why some of us straight people make such a fuss about it.

(BTW, I of course know this is a joke video. ... Actually, I'm not sure.)

Friday, September 5, 2008

Worst host in the World

I've never seen THIS before. Two of the greatest Brittish comedians together.

We in the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese Blog present Rowan Atkinson and John Cleese!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

And again

Oh bloody hell.

Shooping are we?

The whole danger of the lazers.
When you least expect it... they shall appear.
Or not.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Kittehs

We pwns the hoomins. We pwns the hoomin's cubs. We pwns da dawgs. We pwns da bears. We pwns smaller kittehs.

Sumtims we pwn ourselvs!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Doce Fu-kitty-va


Lmao! Doce Fugitiva... Doce Fukittyva... I crackz myself up


Fully Octopi'd




This teenage girl, growing up in a California coastal town, was obviously pregnant - stomach starting to swell, morning sickness, etc. She, however, tearfully insisted to her mother that she couldn't possibly be pregnant. She had never "done it" with a boy and it just wasn't possible.


As time went on, however, the signs continued. Her stomach continued to grow, her appetite increased, and so forth. Her mother insisted that she was pregnant. The girl insisted that it wasn't possible. She was still a "good" girl.


Finally x-rays were taken and the girl was vindicated. She had a large tumor in her stomach and surgery was performed immediately. To everyone's amazement the surgeons removed not a tumor but a small, live octopus that had fastened itself to the lining of the girl's stomach.


What happened to this girl is supposedly really possible. Octopus eggs are microscopic in size, and laid in clusters of tens of thousands. They are usually affixed to kelp at the ocean's bottom with a sticky secretion. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that a few could escape and float to the surface where they could be swallowed by an unsuspecting swimmer...


(Note: the above story is obviously not real. It is an urban legend found by me at www.snopes.com, and is categorized as false. Human biology cannot "give birth" to octopi, or, in story variants, frogs, snakes, lizards, fish or insects).

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Funniest.Thing.Ever.

I'm no chick or anything... nut this is the cutiest thing I've ever seen!

How better to eat a popcorn than lying down in a piano?

Friday, July 25, 2008

I've Been Neutered - Comedy Inc.

Question of the month: Why does James Blunt sound like a chick?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Familiar scream?

Say, when you watch action films, don't you find some of the screams somewhat... familiar?
A collection of Wilhelm screams:

Thursday, July 10, 2008

He's a Panda!...

I went to watch "Kung Fu Panda" some days ago (the Portuguese dubbed version, with the voice of our fictional fadist Rouxinol Faduncho).

That movie is awesome! The plot is okay. The jokes are cool. But the art is just amazing! The animation quality, the backgrounds, the details... it's all very artistic and very beautiful to see. One starts wanting to be there, in that historical (and somewhat fictional) China. Any art-lovers that know how hard it is to create such worlds must go watch it. It's fantastic. I'm buying the DVD!

There are bad things though. First, the scene in the bridge, over the cliffs and all... is very scary. Unleast in a big screen.

Second, there is this character, Shifu, the Kung Fu master. He's supposed to resemble a red panda.

I've been a panda lover for a long time (one can even call me a pandasexual) but come on... What kind of panda is this?!


Thursday, July 3, 2008

Udder!

We folk here from the VBC enjoy very much our dose of female breastfeeding glandules (you know, boobs). In such case, we share with ye videos of some loony girl with that posts her ideas on youtube (who would post their ideas on the internet?!... wait... never mind). This girl has got (fortunattely) better physics than mind.

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She has more! Check them.

The commentaries on youtube for these are funny. Check them out!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Oh, poor children!

I'm here in Alentejo (Portugal - that's in Europe). How is the weather in here, you ask? It's warm.

I'm kidding, it's hot! I swear the air looks like having tons of red. My arse was almost burned in the car seats. A flame would feel hot in here. You got to knot a cube of ice to your forehead to remain minimally fresh.

It seems that some guys in Washington DC (someone told me once what DC meant, but I forgot. I'm just not going there in case it means Dick Cancer) said that the North Pole will be iceless at the end of this summer. There is very little ice there already, thanks to the supposedly "intelligent" and "rational" human kind (which insists of doing great favours like this to its own planet constantly), and even that is probably gone by October.

And for this I'm not worrying about the extinctions of polar bears or seals (two very important animals who produce very very cute cubs) or any other poor, innocent, sinless, beautiful being who happened by chance to live in huge place we just melted, causing thousands of deaths only by disrespect and selfishness - no, I'm worried about Santa Clause.

Every one knows that ol' Father Christmas lives up there in the icy hills of North Pole, with his elves and reindeers, making the presents for the children who behaved good, and making huge bonfires (because when the fire is put down, the coal is to be given to the naughty children). Except now there is now icy hills. There's no hills at all. So where is every child's favourite fictional character supposed to go with his pigmees and flying stags?

If Santa Clause is reading this (which I think he should, since this is the best way to know if I'm good or naughty - the first to guess which one I am gets a cookie!), I want to leave some suggestions about destinies when your house have, you know, melted.

* My neighbours house. - There isn't much room for presents for nearly every kid in the world (my suggestion is, assume that every kid who can't speak, or has made pee-pee or poo-poo in the pants, or doesn't like the green stuff, is naughty. Your bag will get a hell lot lighter!). But it's a great location (it's nearly in the middle of the map, we're right above Africa), and you can do all the bonfires you want - the police doesn't care! (that is, if you pay them. But I guess if you can afford to make millions of presents you can afford a little bribe).

* The Saara desert. - This is just like the North Pole. It's isolated, it's quiet, you won't get unexpected visits (basically everyone passing by will think they're seeing a mirage). It's kind of in the middle of the map (in North Pole you could just go to any point of the glob, is just going South. But the advantage is that in Saara a compass could actually work). There may be problem on getting used to the weather, passing from ice to sand (believe me, I know how you'll feel). It may be a little hot for your traditional Coca Cola-sponsored red robes and hat, so you better take another outfit, like red and white shorts. The belt, the boots and the beard may also get too hot, so loose them. And don't get surprised to see your elves melting too. Oh, and get rid of the reindeers and buy a pack of flying camels (ones with hydrogen in their humps, I guess). The mirages are also frequent there, so don't get surprised to start seeing a lot of Mrs. Clauses in here.

* Las Vegas. - A lot of Mrs. Clauses around here too!

* USA in general. - Yeah, let those Christian bastards have their precious Xmas. "Ooh ooh, 'Xmas', I can't write the real word, or I'd be lame. Ooh Ooh, god bless America. Uncle Sam and all". Bastards. Wait until we send a missile there.

--

There's another question; if North pole is gonna melt, we get only one pole. We can't keep calling that one "South Pole". We used to call it that to tell the two poles apart. Now I guess it'll just be "the Pole".

What a lame name.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Albatross! Lesbian albatross!

ALBATROSS!

Yes, apparently albatrosses can be lesbians. Bastards. The one good thing that belonged to our species. Humans have lack of intelligence and spirituality, disrespect for Nature, war and murder, but unleast we had lesbians! We were the only ones to have lesbians. Now not even that! (No, I never heard of Art, science, poetry, love or music).

One can obviously know that homosexuality between women is a shared liking between heterosexual men (and homosexual women). Just search how many videos on youtube have the title "Hot young sexy girls making out on couch/on bed/on crack". Now, even sea birds can do it!

Apparently, 1/3 of the albatross couples that take care of eggs are lesbian couples. Now the question is:

Can we still consume them?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Monday, June 16, 2008

Cell phones + China needs an Umbrella

So (everytime I post stuff about what's happening in the world, I'll start such posts with "so". Every one of them. I'm warning now so you don't have any bad feelings about it), some cancer researchers from France have the theory that the excessive presence of cell phones can be dangerous to children younger than 12 years old, and may cause cancer - with which I totally agree with. Why do they need cell phones anyway? The only thing for which they would use them anyway was playing games and making prank calls to 911. It's the same thing as 9-year-old or younger girls wearing tops and bikinis in the summer. What for? It's not like they have something to cover yet (in the case of the bikinis) or to show (in the case of the tops).

But what intrigued me is that these scientists suggest that the cell phone must be unleast a meter away from the child.
... So I guess they'll start making children's trousers with pockets that stick one meter out of the legs.

They say that sending a written message is better than doing a talked phone call. This is quite obvious why; in the talked phone calls, the phone is closer to the face and such.
The problem is: A written message takes years to write, specially for a young kid. Plus, most children under 12 cannot even write (for some, it's a wonder they can barely talk).

--

On lighter news, it seems that there was a flood in China. 57 people died (1300 millions left). On this side of the globe (PORTUGAL! PORTUGAL! PORTUGAL!), we all know that such flood was a punishment from our sweet Lord to those Buddhists and Taoists. Or it could have been China's climatic conditions.
It was probably the second one.

At Rnaad!

Castor caesum venezualis

Member of the Castoridae family and the Rodentia order, the Venezuelan Beaver evolved from primary rodents living in South America, which also gave existence to the capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) and the extinct Giant Beaver (Castoroides ohioensis). However, neither the capybara nor the extinct Giant Beaver give such good cheese as the great Venezuelan beaver (this may also be due to the fact that none of them can be milked - the Giant Beavers are dead and the capybaras... bite).



Venezuelan Beaver Cheese is made 100% of beaver cheese (plus 50% goat cheese, 67% vinegar, 7% cat milk, 76% Moon and 23% magic), curdled and washed by Brazilian blind nuns, and put in to age for nearly 650 years.



The cheese is yummy, tasty, and it doesn't have that whole crap of holes, bleedin' Switzers - who wants to eat a bloody cheese with holes anyway? Half of the cheese isn't even there! Like those bleedin' Quesos Palmitas, all salty. Rubbish.

Our cheese is known to entertain mice, selenographers, Python fans all over the world and Hugo Chávez (¿Porqué nó te callas y comes un queso?) without warning. Scientists predict that if a World War III is to come, it will be because of the lack of water - or because of the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese (one of the two). Which is extremely preocupant.



So enjoy your cheese for now, kids, and remember...



THE BEAVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED!