Monday, June 16, 2008

Castor caesum venezualis

Member of the Castoridae family and the Rodentia order, the Venezuelan Beaver evolved from primary rodents living in South America, which also gave existence to the capybara (Hydrochoerus hydrochaeris) and the extinct Giant Beaver (Castoroides ohioensis). However, neither the capybara nor the extinct Giant Beaver give such good cheese as the great Venezuelan beaver (this may also be due to the fact that none of them can be milked - the Giant Beavers are dead and the capybaras... bite).

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese is made 100% of beaver cheese (plus 50% goat cheese, 67% vinegar, 7% cat milk, 76% Moon and 23% magic), curdled and washed by Brazilian blind nuns, and put in to age for nearly 650 years.

The cheese is yummy, tasty, and it doesn't have that whole crap of holes, bleedin' Switzers - who wants to eat a bloody cheese with holes anyway? Half of the cheese isn't even there! Like those bleedin' Quesos Palmitas, all salty. Rubbish.

Our cheese is known to entertain mice, selenographers, Python fans all over the world and Hugo Chávez (¿Porqué nó te callas y comes un queso?) without warning. Scientists predict that if a World War III is to come, it will be because of the lack of water - or because of the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese (one of the two). Which is extremely preocupant.

So enjoy your cheese for now, kids, and remember...


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